Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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