So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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