Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
