she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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