Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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