My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize