I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
