You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
