??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You dont lie about slip and slides
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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