You're my little dorito
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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