Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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