you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
