remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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