Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm gonna fight the coyote
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
