You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
