He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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