I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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