I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
