If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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