I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
