The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
