Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
