Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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