Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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