You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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