My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
