lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
