You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
