You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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