Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
