insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
