I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
