His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize