first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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