Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
