So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
