On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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