Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
