Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Sponge bath it is.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
