it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
