yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
