Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
