your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
