you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
