I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
