I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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