3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
