I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
