I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
