So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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