I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
