My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
