Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
