no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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