Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
