LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
