a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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