My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
