k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
