Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
