You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
