you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
