Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
cat food counts as protein by the way
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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