That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
