imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
