i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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