when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
