i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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